Caffeine - Should We Be Drinking it?

Caffeine is the most widely consumed psychoactive drug on the planet—a drug which is commonly utilised for alertness, productivity, and even performance in the gym. I have had a longstanding relationship with caffeine, and if one were to ask me, I would reflexively say that I love my morning coffee. This, although I have had thoughts of quitting for some ten years. The driving force behind this desire to quit is a constant gnawing sense that something is not right.

Nostalgia

Tea is a way of life in Ireland, particularly caffeinated black tea. I became hooked as a child. I grew up as a very emotional child, and at around seven or eight years old, I became increasingly socially withdrawn and struggled to concentrate in school. Around the same time, I started drinking tea. I watched my parents drink tea around the clock, so it seemed normal for me to pick up the habit as a young child. I soon required tea to get out of bed and start my homework.

By around nineteen, I upgraded to the hard stuff while working a job where everyone drank coffee. Interestingly enough, I had only bad reactions to caffeine, as my stomach became more irritated, my skin worsened, I developed eczema, and I experienced mood swings.

A Lifetime of Mental Health Struggles

Before switching to coffee, I experienced vicious panic attacks at sixteen, which got in the way of attending school. I went from being a student with top grades to becoming increasingly lazy and disinterested in my studies. I lacked any motivation to complete productive tasks. Throughout my early twenties, I would say I was functional, but I always felt like there was a compulsion or addiction that had my mind occupied elsewhere.

At twenty-one, whilst on a vacation in Ibiza, I experienced my first ever manic episode—a hallmark of bipolar disorder. Not only had I lost the ability to sleep, but I was spending money like crazy, making “friends” with every stranger I met, and could not maintain my attention. My second manic episode, at thirty years old, almost led me to suicide. The embarrassment and shame I experienced is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I was broke, in poor health, and felt utterly powerless.

The Caffeine Link

Caffeine directly causes the symptoms of anxiety, GERD and the mood swings involved in bipolar disorder due to its action on cortisol and dopamine. It simultaneously stimulates both to create an alert high, similar to any other stimulant drug.

I have made many mistakes in my life, and I can’t help but feel like I was high at the time. Like frame of mind that I made those decisions in, was coloured by this agitated, addictive state of stress, yet seeking the next reward to stave off the effect of a rapidly cycling mood.

I know this sounds quite extreme when discussing something like a simple cup of coffee, but I genuinely can’t describe how big of an impact this drug has had on me. In retrospect, it seems like I have planned my whole life around accessibility to this drug.

Rationalisation

Despite a clear pattern of challenges with my mental and physical health, I have continued to justify the consumption of this potent drug, despite my intuition screaming at me. It continually says. Michael, you are living in an entirely unmanageable way, and all of these problems can be addressed by removing caffeine from your life.

Despite knowing what my body needs, I have continually sought the approval of others for quitting and rationalised my addiction by reading article after article declaring that caffeine in moderation is OK.

However, when objectively looking at the side effects of caffeine, it becomes apparent that the whole world is in a perpetual state of rationalising this addiction. In making my decision to kick the habit, I have to remind myself that the very experts who publish studies exalting caffeine are also addicted to this drug. And if there is one thing an addict does exceptionally well, it is to rationalise the addiction.

My Gameplan

I quit smoking with relative ease four months back. A few evenings of increased tiredness were about the extent of my withdrawal symptoms. However, I have associated caffeine with connection, warmth and even love ever since childhood. But I have finally had enough. I am tired of suffering from digestive issues, from feeling like a substance has this much power over me.

Despite caffeine being socially acceptable, it is something I know I need to quit, if I am to ever take control of both my mental, and physical health.

I’ve started weaning myself off gradually from my four-cup per day limit. (approx. 320mg of caffeine). This is already much less than the 600+mg I would drink when I lived in Ireland, where two espresso shots are the standard in each drink.

Week one was three cups daily, then two cups the following week. However, I have noticed that despite my best intentions of weaning myself off slowly, I am really feeling the effects. I am starting to experience the ADHD-like dopamine seeking I experienced in my last depressive episode. So, I have instead decided to bite the bullet and entirely quit this week.

I do not doubt that this will be one of the most difficult bad habits I will ever quit, but I know it will be worth it. It has been a long time since I experienced a calm mind, which can fully feel and experience the full range of human emotions. In fact, I started drinking caffeine so young, that I am not sure I ever experienced it.

But I’d certainly like to.